You’ve seen me in a bathing suit and cheered me on when I posted a blog on why I love my thighs. So why is it so scary that I should tell you that I weigh over 200 pounds? Perhaps it’s because it is a further act of defiance that will set me free. And to be set free from something that you have known intimately for years (even if it’s painful) can be scary shit because it’s uncharted territory. It’s like being in an abusive relationship where you convince yourself that you don’t deserve better. Who would you be outside the realm of that familiar, yet hurtfuul relationship? Same idea.
So declaring my number to the world is a way for me to be an activist in the struggle toward size acceptance. I must do my part if what I want is a broader cultural definition of beauty. I cannot sit on the sidelines and whine about why I detest advertisements for cellulite cream and anti-aging potions without actually backing it up with some kind of action.
I think the other reason I want to share it is that there are so many of you whose daily moods are based on what the number on the scale reads. And I get it, because I’ve been there too. If the number was low, that meant I was a good girl, and worthy of love and success. If the number was high (in my distorted opinion) then I was useless, lazy, fat and ugly. It was a terrible way to live. In fact, it wasn’t living at all. Being a slave to that number kept me from living the life of my dreams. I missed out on so many incredible experiences that I can never get back.
Do I have regret? Yes and no.
I wish today’s Pia could go back and tell Pia of 20 years ago that she was amazing, lovely, smart and perfectly imperfect. But then I realize that this journey is mine, and the painful experiences I’ve had around my self-image are part of what make me who I am today: A mostly confident, kind, compassionate, attractive and intelligent woman, who wants to help others transform their self-hatred into self-acceptance and eventually love.
If you’re feeling brave, or just want to shout from the rooftops how much you weigh, join the movement by leaving a comment here and/or on my Facebook page for the world to see. Help break down the myths around traditional beauty standards and say ‘fuck you’ to the media for feeding us bullshit. Claim your space in this world and take no prisoners!
Ciao for Niao,